Are you happy with your current means of transportation? Is your car compact to the point of claustrophobia? Does your pickup truck lack for bed space? Wish you could fit several thousand more people in your SUV?

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It sounds like you need an Imperial I-Class Star Destroyer.

I know what you’re thinking: You could make do with a Mon Calamari Star Cruiser (not to be confused with the tourist trap that was the mercifully scuttled Galactic Starcruiser). I get it. That’s a sleek, fleet machine that comfortably houses 1,200 people, which means you could probably stuff it full of 2,400 Ewoks if you’re smuggling those Endorian menaces to At Attin. But if oomph, space, and vulgar power is what you’re looking for, let me take you to the big boy side of the lot and get you on the bridge of an Imperial Star Destroyer.

This is the Cadillac of space ships. With a length of 5,251 feet and width of 3,232 feet at its base (before it narrows into a point like a spear), the Imperial Star Destroyer is as roomy as it is deadly, not unlike the Canyonero. It’s got a Class 2 Hyperdrive rating (the best you can hope for out of a craft of this size), and it can pound entire planets into submission within seconds. If you’re looking to hit the galaxy and wipe out whole civilizations with 47,000 of your closest friends, buddy, your dream vehicle has arrived. What’s it going to cost you? Step into my office, and let’s run some numbers. How’s your credit?

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I’m going to level with you: I’m not the world’s biggest gearhead. Now, don’t get me wrong. I can get under the hood of my Dodge Dart and tell you what’s what. I can change the oil on my car if I feel like it, and once successfully browbeat my oldest (he was a mature 11) into almost swapping out the transmission on my wife’s RAV4 (god rest his soul). But when it comes to the specs on a big ol’ girl like the Imperial Star Destroyer, I trust what the folks at the plant tell me.

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Have you ever owned an aircraft carrier? Me neither. I get seasick. But according to some smartypants at Forbes, a U.S. Navy Gerald R. Ford-class ship, with its two (2) nuclear reactors, is a helpful starting point in determining the value of a warship like the Imperial Star Destroyer. Up front, that aircraft is going to run you $10.44 billion. You’re white as a sheet. Strike that, green as a Masters jacket. Carl’s Jr. for lunch?

At 52.8 million cubic meters, you won’t be able to drive this vehicle like it’s a Nissan Sentra. It’s a little slow off the blocks, takes half a day to brake, and corners for s***. But you’re going to have that with a luxury ride that boasts four times the volume of the biggest building on Earth (i.e. the Boeing Everett Factory in Washington state). If you’re worried about fuel mileage, I’ll assuage your concerns the minute I understand how a Class 2 Hyperdrive works, which will be the 14th of Never in the year Not Gonna Happen.

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All I can tell you is that you can kill millions of people just by sneezing in this puppy. It’s also handy for moving a trundle bed. Ready for the sticker shock? It’s not that bad! You can walk off the lot with the pink slip for $636 billion. Right? But here’s the kicker, and, I’m going to tell you, this is a bargain when you consider the sheer number of life forms you’ll be eliminating once you launch this sucker into the heavens: To actually get off Earth and soaring into the cosmos, the estimate is that this will cost you a cool $44.4 trillion. Let me go talk to my manager, and see if I can’t knock a trillion or two off that total. But keep in mind, this is the Imperial Star Destroyer. Accept no substitute.