By Robert Scucci
| Updated
Have you ever found yourself watching the Saw movies and thinking to yourself, this is great, but it’d be better if they sucked? Of course you haven’t, but now that we’re having the conversation, I need to direct your attention to 2007’s Steel Trap; one of the films that I was recommended this past week that involves a group of strangers stuck inside a building at the hands of a sadistic psychopath who wants to play a twisted game.
What’s the object of the game, you ask? I have no clue.
Does anybody win in Steel Trap? No … nobody wins.
But you can take great comfort in the fact that I’ve sacrificed myself for the greater good, and watched Steel Trap so you can at the very least make an informed decision before succumbing to those dark cravings for the lowest form of cinematic entertainment found at the bottom of the Tubi barrel that I can’t help but occupy because there’s no hope for me.
What’s At Stake?
Unlike the first Saw film, Steel Trap doesn’t start off in a basement dungeon making you wonder “Oh my god, those poor people … what ever did they do to end up in such a horrific situation?”
In fact, I don’t even think it’s necessary to even give you a rundown of the principal characters in this movie because they’re all one-dimensional versions of the most unlikeable people you’ll ever meet in your life who find themselves celebrating New Year’s Eve at an exclusive party hosted at the top of an abandoned skyscraper.
When these guests all receive a mysterious text from an unknown sender stating that the real party is taking place in the basement, they all, without hesitation, head downstairs because why wouldn’t they?
The remainder of Steel Trap takes place at this second party, where each guest is given nicknames like “pig” and “two-face,” and they’re all prompted to solve a number of deadly puzzles that are designed to systematically kill each and every one of them before the night is out. To spare you the guesswork … yes, each nickname foreshadows the kind of death each participant will experience if they don’t complete the game that’s seemingly being orchestrated by some guy who’s (not Jigsaw) wearing what appears to be a leather bondage mask.
Inspired Dialogue
As each of the seven soon-to-be victims navigate through the treacherous labyrinth with no suitable exit, they’re met with booby traps like spiked elevator doors, electrified gates, and faulty weapons that give them a false sense of security, but will fail them when needed the most.
While half-heartedly trying to piece together the puzzles, lines of expository dialogue will help you fill in the blanks. For example, when somebody looks at their cell phone and says “signal blocked, what does that mean?” you get the clarification you’re looking for when somebody else answers, “it means somebody blocked the signal.”
While you may be wondering why on Earth you’d want to stream a film like Steel Trap, I can assure you that for a movie that tries so hard to play it straight, it’s an absolute goldmine of unintended comedy that you don’t want to miss out on. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if you’re just seeking out movies for the sole purpose of being entertained, you’ve got everything you need right here.
As of this writing, you can stream Steel Trap for free on Tubi.
